Dave MacLeod, a famous climbing coach, said: The biggest obstacle on a climber’s path to development is the fear of shame.
This can actually be true for everyone. No matter what area you’re trying to grow in, fear of embarrassment will prevent you from achieving the level of growth you want.
For example, you want to write a blog but don’t dare to publish the article because you’re afraid that “I’ll write poorly”. You open a business and want to take it to the next level, but don’t dare seek help from others because you’re afraid they’ll know you’re having trouble.
And this article does not call for you to eliminate shame, because I believe it is an indispensable part of the growing process. Our job is to let it happen and face it.
Shame is an indispensable part of the growing-up process
The survival instinct makes us always avoid pain, but it also motivates us to be curious and explore things beyond our reach. That’s why we have something called dreams.
And to develop, to reach our dreams or goals, we have to do things we have never done before, and meet challenges we have never encountered before. Somewhere along this journey we will start to mess things up, think that there is no way back from our mistakes, want to give up, and think that we are “so incompetent, so shameful”.
But imagine, who looks back at their childhood photos and has never once felt a little embarrassed, because their hair looked so silly, their clothes were out of date, and their figure showed no signs of being a child. If even physical maturity creates such a feeling of shame, then you cannot avoid it if you want to grow in your thoughts, skills, or soul.
If we want to not be ashamed, we also choose not to develop further.
How to face the fear of shame?
Know when it’s about to happen: When you withdraw into yourself, don’t want to share with others, or don’t want to receive feedback, pay attention to the emotions growing inside you. Just call it “fear”, you don’t need to know exactly what fear it is or react immediately.
Pay attention to its effects: Try answering the question: What is your fear of embarrassment keeping you “safe” from?
Ask yourself if you want your life to be different: Imagine a world where you no longer had this fear, what could you have done?
Try a “trial” of a big experience you want to achieve: For example, if you want to learn to dance, try practicing in front of a mirror at home. If you want to write a book, try writing on social networks for close friends to read.
Allow yourself to “be afraid, be ashamed” and receive support from others: Shame always makes us want to “dig a hole,” but that doesn’t mean the end of the world has come. Just let yourself feel that shame in the support of those you know.
When you allow yourself to feel scared and confused, you are starting to let go of your old self. You are no longer bound by the desire to do everything perfectly because you want to grow!
