Why are there people who always have difficulty and suffering in trusting others, even when it is their lover?
In love, many people fear that at some point, the person they love will no longer have feelings for them. As a result, they do everything possible to hold on to that person, from controlling their phone to getting angry if their text messages are not answered immediately.
These stories are more or less often presented in a negative way in the media. However, the reason behind that seemingly unreasonable action could be that they were betrayed or abused by the person they devoted their heart to. As a result, they form a trust issue. It is like a shield to protect their minds from having to suffer pain again, but also unintentionally makes it difficult for them and their loved ones to open their hearts and become deeply attached. darker together.
This is an eternal problem in love relationships. So where does the trust issue actually come from, and is there a risk of experiencing it if you fall in love?
What is a trust issue?
According to social consultant Tamara Green, a person has a trust issue when they have difficulty trusting others. This may happen because they have been betrayed in the past, and continue to use that experience to guide their current relationship.
The trust issue is shaped by three main elements: betrayal, abandonment, and manipulation. A person can develop a trust issue if they experience 1, 2, or all 3 of these things, causing them to lose the ability to trust others and stay vigilant. There are four common types of trust issues in romantic relationships, including:
Fear of trust (pistanthrophobia): A phobia that makes people afraid of trusting others, even when facing no real threat.
Jealousy: The tendency to want to “monitor” the other person 24/7, for fear of them having an affair.
Identify the problem: Focus on existing problems in the opponent or situation. For example, if you have a boyfriend who works in an environment with many women, you will consider infidelity as an existing risk in your boyfriend.
Distrust in oneself: Occurs in people who lack confidence in their own choices in love. The question always on their minds is “Am I in love with the right person?”.
What are the signs of a Trust issue?
Being haunted by the other person will betray you
The person with a trust issue can accuse the other person of betraying them, even without a legitimate reason. Even when their feelings are “calm”, they still have the constant fear that sooner or later they will be betrayed by the other person, despite all their efforts to show their sincerity.
Controlling your partner too much
This is the most common expression of trait jealousy. These people always want the other person to be in their sights 24/7. They are ready to get angry if they text and the other person does not respond right away, or go somewhere after work and forget to “report” them. They also ask to know the other person’s phone password, and social network to control all information.
Restrict your partner from having other relationships
Another way of expressing jealousy is to try to narrow the circle of relationships of the other person, limited to family and work. They try to limit or prevent their partner from participating in activities and events where they cannot be there. For them, this brings many opportunities to meet new people, which can be attractive and cause the other person to have an affair.
Difficulty in committing to the other person
This trait is often found in people with trust issues types 3 and 4. Because they perceive themselves or the relationship as “wrong”, they always maintain a certain distance, not letting the other person see the vulnerable side. This makes it difficult for their relationship with their partner to reach a committed level.
What to do to overcome trust issues?
Rebuilding lost trust is never easy, whether with others or with yourself. However, according to expert Emily Simonian, you can gradually solve this problem with measures such as:
Self-discovery
To handle your own trust issue, you need to find where it arose. You can do this with meditation, mindfulness, journaling, or counseling. This therapy is quite effective if the trust issue is the result of issues you cannot easily see, such as childhood trauma or physiological changes. Therapy also helps you understand more about your own behavioral tendencies, thereby building the most appropriate “treatment plan”.
Communicate regularly and openly with the other person
“Open your heart” is the keyword of this strategy. You can share your problems with your partner calmly, and ask them for advice about the situation and your approach. Once you do this, you will overcome the emotional barrier, and the other person will also feel more respected and trusted.
Be careful in other relationships
Besides improving trust with your partner, you also need to be vigilant in other relationships. Because if they cause you to form a trust issue, it will also affect your love life. So if you find that someone is not trustworthy, consider limiting or stopping interactions.
Be proactive about big changes
Change in life is difficult to avoid. But when you realize it will happen, having an action plan will give both of you initiative, as well as the ability to better cope with its developments. This helps limit trust issues from forming.
